I am a fan of the writing of Steve Pavlina. There are a lot of things I like about his approach. From his courage to post about controversial topics, to his frankness about success and failure. But the reason he originally caught my eye was his focus on conscious personal development.
What does conscious self-improvement mean? It means you stop leaving your own personal growth up to chance. We spend way too much saying things like: "I really need/want/should do a better job controlling my temper." So far so good. Stating a desire is a nice place to begin.
The trouble is what we do often do next. Nothing. We state the desire, we wish we had more control of our temper, we might even get upset at ourselves when we blow up at our kids. But realistically we don't change anything. We make a decision to change, but we don't plan out consciously how to make the change.
My goal here on this blog is to help you change that specific mentality. To understand the importance of making a conscious decision to change, and then following it up by consciously deciding how you will implement the change.
Think of it this way. If you want to lose weight, there are certain general steps you must take:
1) Make the decision to lose weight
2) Decide what activities you will start and stop in order to lose weight
3) Follow through on these new behaviors
There really is no other way. No short cut. Even if you decide to use surgery to help with your weight loss, it's still an activity you consciously decide to take.
It seems completely absurd to just think "I will lose weight" without consciously deciding how to achieve your goal. Yet in so many areas of our lives we do just that. We have a nagging feeling that we should change our study habits, or our productivity, or our use of language. Sometimes we even take the next step and commit to the change.
Conscious growth takes it a step further. It not only says I will make this change, it says here is how I will make the change. That's what change is all about. Wishing means nothing. Changes in behavior, decided upon with intelligence and thought, are what drive all successful change.
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Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
The Bulldozer of Change
Maya Angelou was an artist with words. She could express a common thought in a impactful and powerful way. The quote I chose to name this blog after is simple:
Maybe it was when you looked in the mirror and saw the body you never wanted.
Maybe it was when your first grandchild was born and you realized you wanted to be healthy enough to enjoy their smile for years.
Maybe it was a moment of quiet reflection when you realized you weren't all you wish you were.
Maybe it was a flash of temper which left you regretful and desiring improvement.
Whatever the situation, we've all had them. That moment when we realize we just simply MUST make a change. We can't go on like we are. It is a stark moment, a moment of clarity, and often regret.
The real question, though, the only thing that matters is what we do with this thought once we have it. After that tractor has bulldozed right through the middle of our brain and we've felt an urgent need to change, what do we do next?
In general I believe there are four ways we handle these moments.
1) Ignore the feeling and hope it goes away
All to often the feeling causes so much discomfort that we simply wait for it to pass. Yeah, we know the change is important. Yeah, my brain is buzzing right now. Yeah I am a bit uncomfortable by this need. It will pass. We know from experience the emotion won't last forever. Once it goes away, we can go back to our blissful lives until the next bulldozer hits our brain.
2) Listen to the feeling, recognize it, and decide to change...someday
Sometimes this need to change flows through our mind and our immediate thought is. "You know, I should really do that." Should is a key word here. Have you ever noticed how often something you should do actually gets done? It's pretty rare. Should says "I will do it...tomorrow." Should doesn't require any action other. Certainly not any action today. Someday I will get to that diet. Someday.
3) Listen to the feeling, decide to take action on it, but aren't sure what action to take so we just don't move
The next step in our progression is to recognize the needed change, realize it's importance, and then decide to take action. Only far too often we get stuck right there. Either we don't know what step to take, or the steps we know we should take are too confusing or too difficult. So instead we don't do anything. A good example of this is a person who blows up at their kids and realizes they simply don't want to have temper issues anymore. The resolve is good, so is the desire to take action...but what action to take? How do I immediately begin to work on my anger issues? It's a good question. It's also a question which can paralyze us and cause our urgency and motivation to weaken.
4) Listen to the feeling, and act decisively immediately
And here we have it...this is how the truly successful handle their promptings to change. First of all, they use the word "must." I "must" make this change. "Must" motivates to action. Second, they take action immediately. Most often the action isn't perfect, it's just an action. But they don't wait, they act. Action has power in our brains. A brain that sees us moving to action believes we actually might be serious this time. A brain that believes in our success is an amazing generator of motivation and ideas.
I don't care what the action is. Go buy a pair of running shoes. Set your alarm for 5:00 AM so you can wake up to study harder. Go apologize to your son for your temper. Sign up for a class. Meditate. Brainstorm ideas to build your business. I am not sure it matters too much, but what does matter is that you feel the call to action...then act.
And you act every single day on your desired outcome.
It will come.
The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind.Have you ever felt that? Do I even need to ask?
Maybe it was when you looked in the mirror and saw the body you never wanted.
Maybe it was when your first grandchild was born and you realized you wanted to be healthy enough to enjoy their smile for years.
Maybe it was a moment of quiet reflection when you realized you weren't all you wish you were.
Maybe it was a flash of temper which left you regretful and desiring improvement.
Whatever the situation, we've all had them. That moment when we realize we just simply MUST make a change. We can't go on like we are. It is a stark moment, a moment of clarity, and often regret.
The real question, though, the only thing that matters is what we do with this thought once we have it. After that tractor has bulldozed right through the middle of our brain and we've felt an urgent need to change, what do we do next?
In general I believe there are four ways we handle these moments.
1) Ignore the feeling and hope it goes away
All to often the feeling causes so much discomfort that we simply wait for it to pass. Yeah, we know the change is important. Yeah, my brain is buzzing right now. Yeah I am a bit uncomfortable by this need. It will pass. We know from experience the emotion won't last forever. Once it goes away, we can go back to our blissful lives until the next bulldozer hits our brain.
2) Listen to the feeling, recognize it, and decide to change...someday
Sometimes this need to change flows through our mind and our immediate thought is. "You know, I should really do that." Should is a key word here. Have you ever noticed how often something you should do actually gets done? It's pretty rare. Should says "I will do it...tomorrow." Should doesn't require any action other. Certainly not any action today. Someday I will get to that diet. Someday.
3) Listen to the feeling, decide to take action on it, but aren't sure what action to take so we just don't move
The next step in our progression is to recognize the needed change, realize it's importance, and then decide to take action. Only far too often we get stuck right there. Either we don't know what step to take, or the steps we know we should take are too confusing or too difficult. So instead we don't do anything. A good example of this is a person who blows up at their kids and realizes they simply don't want to have temper issues anymore. The resolve is good, so is the desire to take action...but what action to take? How do I immediately begin to work on my anger issues? It's a good question. It's also a question which can paralyze us and cause our urgency and motivation to weaken.
4) Listen to the feeling, and act decisively immediately
And here we have it...this is how the truly successful handle their promptings to change. First of all, they use the word "must." I "must" make this change. "Must" motivates to action. Second, they take action immediately. Most often the action isn't perfect, it's just an action. But they don't wait, they act. Action has power in our brains. A brain that sees us moving to action believes we actually might be serious this time. A brain that believes in our success is an amazing generator of motivation and ideas.
I don't care what the action is. Go buy a pair of running shoes. Set your alarm for 5:00 AM so you can wake up to study harder. Go apologize to your son for your temper. Sign up for a class. Meditate. Brainstorm ideas to build your business. I am not sure it matters too much, but what does matter is that you feel the call to action...then act.
And you act every single day on your desired outcome.
It will come.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Small Changes > Big Changes
In my last post, I talked about what I called The First Law of Personal Development.
Today, I want to introduce The Second Law of Personal Development. It may seem a bit counterintuitive. Stick with me.
The Second Law goes like this:
Small Changes > Big Changes
Yes that's right. The Second Law of Personal Development says that small changes bring about greater results than big changes.
What do I mean by that?
What I mean is that if I am coaching someone who wants to make a monumental transformation in their life, I will always start with small and what may seem like insignificant changes. If I am watching someone who is attempting a major breakthrough, I can often predict their success based on the magnitude of the changes they implement.
Perhaps an example will be helpful.
Say we have two people who are 50 pounds overweight. They both develop plans for their weight loss.
Plan #1 looks like this:
1) Cut calories 700 per day down to 1,500
2) Run 4 miles a day 3 days a week
3) Exercise at the gym with weights 3 days a week
4) Cut out all sugar
Plan #2 looks like this:
1) Wake up 30 minutes early and go for a brisk walk
Which person would I put my money behind to have lost more weight in 6 month?
I would pick #2 every time.
Why?
Plan #1 COULD certainly be more effective. If you stuck to it weight would certainly come off quickly. The IF is the problem. Sticking to a diet or workout program that is too extreme is difficult. In fact, failure rates are not only high, often after dieting people end up putting on more weight than when they started.
Plan #2 may have minimal immediate impact, but it is a change that can and will last. A person who walks 30 minutes a day for a year will have burned thousands of calories. The person who diets than binges will likely still be battling weight issues.
So the first reason small changes are better than large ones is that small changes are sustainable. You can commit to them and accomplish them over a long period of time.
There is another more subtle reason. I believe it is more powerful. Our brains are so wired for failure. Most of just don't believe we can make and maintain lasting change. Our history has proven to our brains that changes only last for a week or two. The second we slip up our brain says "Here we go again" and we backslide into old habits.
How many times have you tried to lose that extra 10 pounds? Every time you have tried and failed your brain builds up proof that you aren't capable.
We need to change that mindset. Making a small change and then sticking with it has tremendous power. Suddenly your brain sees you are serious.
"Woah" your brain exclaims "She has stuck to this change for 2 months, maybe I should take this seriously." Once the brain starts to believe, other changes will become easier. Suddenly you are the kind of person who DOES. Believing that you are succeeding breeds more success.
In your own personal quest for change, whether it's losing weight or developing an attitude of gratitude. Whether you want to meet the person of your dreams or save money for retirement. Start with small changes. Stick to them, and then add more small changes. The improvement you see over time will be dramatic.
Small Changes are greater than Big Changes.
Today, I want to introduce The Second Law of Personal Development. It may seem a bit counterintuitive. Stick with me.
The Second Law goes like this:
Small Changes > Big Changes
Yes that's right. The Second Law of Personal Development says that small changes bring about greater results than big changes.
What do I mean by that?
What I mean is that if I am coaching someone who wants to make a monumental transformation in their life, I will always start with small and what may seem like insignificant changes. If I am watching someone who is attempting a major breakthrough, I can often predict their success based on the magnitude of the changes they implement.
Perhaps an example will be helpful.
Say we have two people who are 50 pounds overweight. They both develop plans for their weight loss.
Plan #1 looks like this:
1) Cut calories 700 per day down to 1,500
2) Run 4 miles a day 3 days a week
3) Exercise at the gym with weights 3 days a week
4) Cut out all sugar
Plan #2 looks like this:
1) Wake up 30 minutes early and go for a brisk walk
Which person would I put my money behind to have lost more weight in 6 month?
I would pick #2 every time.
Why?
Plan #1 COULD certainly be more effective. If you stuck to it weight would certainly come off quickly. The IF is the problem. Sticking to a diet or workout program that is too extreme is difficult. In fact, failure rates are not only high, often after dieting people end up putting on more weight than when they started.
Plan #2 may have minimal immediate impact, but it is a change that can and will last. A person who walks 30 minutes a day for a year will have burned thousands of calories. The person who diets than binges will likely still be battling weight issues.
So the first reason small changes are better than large ones is that small changes are sustainable. You can commit to them and accomplish them over a long period of time.
There is another more subtle reason. I believe it is more powerful. Our brains are so wired for failure. Most of just don't believe we can make and maintain lasting change. Our history has proven to our brains that changes only last for a week or two. The second we slip up our brain says "Here we go again" and we backslide into old habits.
How many times have you tried to lose that extra 10 pounds? Every time you have tried and failed your brain builds up proof that you aren't capable.
We need to change that mindset. Making a small change and then sticking with it has tremendous power. Suddenly your brain sees you are serious.
"Woah" your brain exclaims "She has stuck to this change for 2 months, maybe I should take this seriously." Once the brain starts to believe, other changes will become easier. Suddenly you are the kind of person who DOES. Believing that you are succeeding breeds more success.
In your own personal quest for change, whether it's losing weight or developing an attitude of gratitude. Whether you want to meet the person of your dreams or save money for retirement. Start with small changes. Stick to them, and then add more small changes. The improvement you see over time will be dramatic.
Small Changes are greater than Big Changes.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Nothing Changes Until You DO Something Different
In nature we often talk about natural laws. Gravity. Electromagnetism. Chemical Reactions. As a society our greatest progress has come when we start to understand these natural laws, and then work with them. We can pretend the law isn't there, try to break it, or simply ignore it if we wish. But we will get no results in our physical world until we start to work within the power of the natural law.
If we were to build a space ship without truly understanding the power of gravity, we would never have success in leaving the earth's atmosphere and traveling to outer space. It simply couldn't happen. We cannot ignore natural laws and hope to accomplish advancement in the physical world.
Here is another example. Bridges can hold a certain weight depending on the design, length, and strength of materials. The holding weight of a bridge is completely dependent on the natural laws of statics. The bridge builder ignores these laws at the peril of everyone who will cross the bridge. Building a successful structure means first, understanding the laws that govern structural strength, and second applying those principles in an effective way.
Personal development is no different. There are principles which govern our personal growth. We can ignore these principles if we wish. But real growth will only come when we understand the principles, and then follow them in an effective way.
With that introduction let me share the First Law of Personal Transformation
Nothing Changes Unless We DO Something Different
You can study. You can learn. You can talk. You can promise. You can plan. You can watch documentaries. You can set a goal. You can motivate yourself. You can even study every word on this blog. But you WILL NOT find personal growth and transformation until your behaviors change.
If I read a book on developing willpower I will learn that meditation is an effective way to develop strength of willpower.
Until I actually start to meditate, and stick with it for a significant amount of time, nothing will change.
If I make the decision to be more productive I can buy the best productivity system on the planet. But I won't get more done until I start to USE the power of the magic half hour.
If I decide I want more energy in my life I can get a recipe book about healthy, energizing foods. But nothing changes until I GO to the grocery store, buy the ingredients, and make a change to my eating patterns.
On the surface this principle may seem obvious. Yet in our efforts to grow and change we violate this law all the time. We read a few good books and listen to some motivational tapes, but don't change behavior. Or if we do change the behavior it lasts for two days.
I am a big proponent of both study and motivation. However in general we do not focus on the changes in behavior that will make a big difference. I don't think we consciously select specific activities to follow daily which will have a huge affect on our lives and our success.
Do not ignore this law. Figure out the change you want to make, figure out the actions that will bring about that change, and then change the behavior. Change the behavior in a specific and committed way. Hold yourself accountable for your behavior plan and stick to it.
It is truly the only way to bring about meaningful personal growth.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Learn From Marathoners
Have you ever wanted to improve your will-power, or your happiness, or your productivity, or your ability to set and achieve goals? What is the usual approach to addressing these personal development desires?
80% of the population just wishes. They spend a lot of time thinking "I wish my will-power were stronger." or "I wish I were more productive."
You are aren't part of that 80%. You are on this blog because you truly do want to change your life and are willing to put some effort into it.
What is the approach of the 20% who actually do make an attempt to change?
Usually it goes something like this:
1. Motivate yourself to improve your will-power
2. Read a book about will-power
3. Do some research online about developing stronger will-power
4. Come up with a few principles that would be helpful to increase will-power
5. Think to yourself "Hmmm, I should do some things different"
Then...???
Far too often not much happens after that. Remember, this is the top 20%. We aren't talking about the people who only wish they would change. We are talking about people invested in personal development. We study, learn, get motivated, and come up with good ideas. We then struggle to fully implement them in our lives.
Now, compare this approach to someone who successfully runs a marathon. The first few steps are the same. They find motivation, they study up on marathon training, they develop a few principles that will be helpful in their training. So far, we are all on the same track.
What is the difference, then, between the marathon runner and you and I trying to develop ourselves?
I would submit it is one thing:
A Daily Schedule
A marathon runner has a specific schedule that tells them exactly how to train each and every day:
A marathon runner would never read a book about getting ready for a marathon, then assume they had the right information and wake up each day and just run whatever they felt like. It doesn't work. Even having the knowledge about proper training doesn't translate into making an in- the-moment decision about how to train on a particular day.
Why do we approach personal development differently?
We need to pursue personal development in the same way we prepare for a marathon. We need to have a plan. A plan which spells out specific activities for the day. Our job is then to wake up and follow our schedule.
It doesn't work otherwise. All the knowledge in the world won't change us. What changes us is doing. And it's far to easy to not "do" when we don't have a plan.
What is your daily, specific, and measurable personal development plan?
Stick around, let's develop some together.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
One Day At A Time
Have you ever had a conversation with a recovering addict? If so, you will have almost certainly heard the words "I'm just taking it one day at a time" come from their lips. It's more than a creed for members of AA, it's survival.
What is the power in one day at a time?
Well, one day is all there is. All I have is today, and the only affect I can have on my future is by what I decide to do today.
Here is another reason. When trying to reach a goal, when we look at our past we can feel shame and regret. When we look at our future we can feel fear. These emotions can be paralyzing. So we actually end up doing nothing. Yet when we focus on today all we see are the simple steps right in front of us.
Let me give you an example.
Say I want to stop drinking soda. That's a nice, worthy goal you will find in approximately every dietary article ever written. If I focus on the past, all I will think of is the gallons of soda I have ingested. It's easy to ask myself "How am I ever going to stop drinking soda if I've had it ever day for the past 3 years and half of my blood stream is currently Mt. Dew?"
I need to forget about the past. Constantly remembering how much soda I've had in my life doesn't serve me.
Ok, but what if I think too much about the future? Now suddenly I am imagining a hot summer day on a boat with a cooler full of cold soda. My thought pattern goes something like this "How am I ever going to resist that? It's overwhelming, I will never make it...I think I'll have one right now." I just went from "Never Again" to "I'll take 44 ounces please" in 3 sentences.
What if I focus on today? I wake up and think about lunch. What should I eat for lunch that will keep me from visiting that Mexican restaurant with the great Coke machine? Today is manageable, today is doable. Today isn't scary.
Plus, today is the only day I can live.
Any change, no matter how big or small, must be broken down into daily increments. There is perhaps nothing more important than this principle when it comes to personal development. Live your change TODAY. Not tomorrow or a month from now, live it today.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Together, let's not beat ourselves up for the past or fear the future. Let's live our change today.
What is the power in one day at a time?
Well, one day is all there is. All I have is today, and the only affect I can have on my future is by what I decide to do today.
Here is another reason. When trying to reach a goal, when we look at our past we can feel shame and regret. When we look at our future we can feel fear. These emotions can be paralyzing. So we actually end up doing nothing. Yet when we focus on today all we see are the simple steps right in front of us.
Let me give you an example.
Say I want to stop drinking soda. That's a nice, worthy goal you will find in approximately every dietary article ever written. If I focus on the past, all I will think of is the gallons of soda I have ingested. It's easy to ask myself "How am I ever going to stop drinking soda if I've had it ever day for the past 3 years and half of my blood stream is currently Mt. Dew?"
I need to forget about the past. Constantly remembering how much soda I've had in my life doesn't serve me.
Ok, but what if I think too much about the future? Now suddenly I am imagining a hot summer day on a boat with a cooler full of cold soda. My thought pattern goes something like this "How am I ever going to resist that? It's overwhelming, I will never make it...I think I'll have one right now." I just went from "Never Again" to "I'll take 44 ounces please" in 3 sentences.
What if I focus on today? I wake up and think about lunch. What should I eat for lunch that will keep me from visiting that Mexican restaurant with the great Coke machine? Today is manageable, today is doable. Today isn't scary.
Plus, today is the only day I can live.
Any change, no matter how big or small, must be broken down into daily increments. There is perhaps nothing more important than this principle when it comes to personal development. Live your change TODAY. Not tomorrow or a month from now, live it today.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Together, let's not beat ourselves up for the past or fear the future. Let's live our change today.
Monday, September 15, 2014
It's All About Today
I've spent years reading every personal development book I can get my hands on. From Seven Habits to How to Make Friends, I've read Emerson and listened to Tony Robbins. I've laughed at Zig Ziglar and been inspired by (although not completely understood) Eckhart Tolle.
I am sure my story is like many of you. I feel this intense desire to change some aspects of my life. Sometimes it's my fitness level, sometimes it's my diet, other times it's my productivity or control over my emotions. I feel the need for change as intensely as Maya Angelou when she wrote:
The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind.
Have you felt that need for change?
Have you researched and listened and learned multiple approaches to making that change?
I have. And I've struggled to make any real lasting change.
Why?
I've come to believe there is one eternal truth regarding personal development, personal growth, and personal change. Stated simply:
"Nothing changes until you DO something different"
But the question is, what do I do? That is where my study came in. I read and read and learned and learned. I had a list of 100's of items I could possibly implement, without any basic plan to bring them into my life.
At the same time I was trying to develop a greater level of fitness. I followed a similar path. I read, studied, researched (if you call reading fitness blogs research) and came up with a list of hundreds of exercises, diets, and workout plans I could follow. I have no doubt they would have worked, but I was frozen because there just seemed to be too much.
Have you ever felt this way? Ever felt like there were too many options and you weren't entirely clear on exactly which to choose. Maybe it's just me that suffers from this kind of decision paralysis, but it was real.
One day I stumbled on a fitness course that laid out exactly what to do every single day. It was simple and concise. Today do this workout. There were even videos. It was so easy. Wake up, push play on the video, do what they say, collapse on the couch.
I realize this isn't a new concept. Everything from P90X to Crossfit uses this method. But for me I had a revelation - If this worked for fitness, why couldn't it work for the other changes I needed to make in my life.
An example. There are now a lot of books about Positive Psychology. They all teach principles about achieving more happiness. I read them, I get excited about following what they teach, and then I don't do anything different. What if I had a daily plan: Wake up, do this for 15 minutes. Go about your day.
Maybe it's just me, but that is kind of the dumbing down I need. I want to make positive changes, but often don't know what to do every day to make those changes.
Well if you've ever felt that way, this blog is your answer. We will be talking about making specific changes, consciously developing ourselves, and improving our circumstances. More than that, we will break down the changes into daily actions that will bring about lasting and meaningful change.
The addicts say it all the time..."One Day at a Time"...that is how any change is made and preserved.
All success is is created by what you choose to do today. So let's make wiser decisions together and achieve those changes we know will make all the difference.
I am sure my story is like many of you. I feel this intense desire to change some aspects of my life. Sometimes it's my fitness level, sometimes it's my diet, other times it's my productivity or control over my emotions. I feel the need for change as intensely as Maya Angelou when she wrote:
The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind.
Have you felt that need for change?
Have you researched and listened and learned multiple approaches to making that change?
I have. And I've struggled to make any real lasting change.
Why?
I've come to believe there is one eternal truth regarding personal development, personal growth, and personal change. Stated simply:
"Nothing changes until you DO something different"
But the question is, what do I do? That is where my study came in. I read and read and learned and learned. I had a list of 100's of items I could possibly implement, without any basic plan to bring them into my life.
At the same time I was trying to develop a greater level of fitness. I followed a similar path. I read, studied, researched (if you call reading fitness blogs research) and came up with a list of hundreds of exercises, diets, and workout plans I could follow. I have no doubt they would have worked, but I was frozen because there just seemed to be too much.
Have you ever felt this way? Ever felt like there were too many options and you weren't entirely clear on exactly which to choose. Maybe it's just me that suffers from this kind of decision paralysis, but it was real.
One day I stumbled on a fitness course that laid out exactly what to do every single day. It was simple and concise. Today do this workout. There were even videos. It was so easy. Wake up, push play on the video, do what they say, collapse on the couch.
I realize this isn't a new concept. Everything from P90X to Crossfit uses this method. But for me I had a revelation - If this worked for fitness, why couldn't it work for the other changes I needed to make in my life.
An example. There are now a lot of books about Positive Psychology. They all teach principles about achieving more happiness. I read them, I get excited about following what they teach, and then I don't do anything different. What if I had a daily plan: Wake up, do this for 15 minutes. Go about your day.
Maybe it's just me, but that is kind of the dumbing down I need. I want to make positive changes, but often don't know what to do every day to make those changes.
Well if you've ever felt that way, this blog is your answer. We will be talking about making specific changes, consciously developing ourselves, and improving our circumstances. More than that, we will break down the changes into daily actions that will bring about lasting and meaningful change.
The addicts say it all the time..."One Day at a Time"...that is how any change is made and preserved.
All success is is created by what you choose to do today. So let's make wiser decisions together and achieve those changes we know will make all the difference.
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